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JESSICAS GUIDE TO DATING ON THE DARK SIDE PDF

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Jessicas Guide To Dating On The Dark Side Pdf

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Jessica's. Guide to. Dating on the Dark. Side. Meet the author Beth Fantaskey at the Author's Dinner sponsored by the. Friends of Bloomsburg University Library. Jessica's guide to dating on the dark side. byFantaskey, Beth. Publication date Borrow this book to access EPUB and PDF files. Jessica is a high school senior. She wasn't expecting to meet her bethroved. She didn't even know she was bethroved. Jessica discovers that the parents she.

But no, I had to "share the ride" to save the environment. When I'm abducted by the menacing guy under the tree, Dad will probably insist my face only appear on recycled milk cartons. In the precious split second I wasted being angry at my father, the stranger really did move in my direction, stepping out from under the tree, and I could have sworn—just as the bus, thank god, crested the rise about fifty yards down the road— I could have sworn I heard him say, "Antanasia.

Or maybe I was hearing things, because the word was drowned out by the sound of tires hissing on wet pavement, grinding gears, and the whoosh of the doors as the driver, old Mr. Dilly, swung them open for me. Wonderful, wonderful bus number I'd never been so happy to climb on board. With his usual grunted "Mornin, Jess," Mr. Dilly put the bus in gear, and I stumbled down the aisle, searching for an empty seat or a friendly face among the half-groggy riders. It sucked sometimes, living in rural Pennsylvania.

The town kids were probably still sleeping, safe and sound in their beds. Locating a spot at the very back of the bus, I plopped down with a rush of relief. Maybe I'd overreacted. Maybe my imagination had run wild, or too many episodes of America's Most Wanted had messed with my head. Or maybe the stranger really had meant me harm. Twisting around, I peered out the rear window, and my heart sank. He was still there, but in the road now, booted feet planted on either side of the double yellow line, arms still crossed, watching the bus drive away.

Watching me. And if he knew that obscure fact, what else did the dark stranger, receding in the mist, know about my past? More to the point, what did he want with me in the present? I just kept eating pie every time I got a break.

I followed her gaze down the hall and toward the lockers. Jake Zinn, who lived on a farm near my family's place, was struggling with his new locker combination. Frowning at a scrap of paper in his hand, he spun the lock and rattled the handle.

An obviously brand-new white T-shirt made his summer tan look especially deep. The sleeves hugged tight around bulging biceps. And did he get highlights? Then my mind went blank. Mindy chimed in, preventing an awkward silence. Well, I guess I'll have to catch up with you around school, then. I'm sure we'll have some classes together," I said, feeling my cheeks get warm. She glanced over her shoulder at Jake.

My face grew warmer. You turning bright red—" "It's nothing," I advised her. We hung out a little. And I am not red. The gleam in Mindy's eyes told me she knew I wasn't being completely honest.

But the moment I thought of him, the hair on the back of my neck prickled, almost like I was being watched. I rubbed the back of my neck. Maybe I would tell Mindy the story later. Or maybe the whole thing would just blow over and I'd never even think about the guy again. That was probably what would happen. Yet the prickly sensation didn't go away. Wilhelm promised, bubbling over with enthusiasm as she handed out the reading list for Senior English Literature: Shakespeare to Stoker. Prepare yourselves for a year of epic quests, heart-stopping romances, and the clashes of great armies.

All without ever leaving Woodrow Wilson High School. Wilhelm, because I heard a lot of groans as the reading list circulated through the class. I accepted my copy from my longtime tormentor Frank Dormand, who'd plopped into the seat in front of me like a massive, gooey spitball, and did a quick survey.

Oh, no. Not Ivanhoe. And Moby Dick. This was supposed to be the year I had a social life. Not to mention Dracula. If there was one thing I hated, it was spooky fairy tales with no basis in reality or logic. That was my parents' territory, and I had no interest in going there. Stealing a quick look across the aisle at Mindy, I saw panic and misery in her eyes, too, as she whispered, "What does 'wuthering' mean? Wilhelm continued, squishing around on her sensible shoes. I see some new faces out there, and I want to get to know you all as quickly as possible, so do not move.

I was destined for a whole year of Frank Dormand's moronic, but mean, comments, which I was certain he'd spew every time he turned to hand something back down the aisle. And legendarily bitchy cheerleader Faith Crosse had claimed the seat directly behind me. I was sandwiched between two of the school's nastiest people.

At least Mindy was across from me. And—I looked back to my left— Jake had found a desk near mine. He grinned when I met his eyes. It could have been worse, I guess. But not much. Frank slid around in his chair to toss the seating chart at me. Moronic and mean, just like I'd predicted. And only school days to go. Dormand squirmed back around, scowling, and I dug into my backpack for my pen. When I went to write my name, though, my ballpoint was bone dry, probably because it had lingered uncapped in my pack all summer.

I gave the pen a shake and tried again. I started to turn to my left, thinking maybe Jake could loan me one of his pens.

Before I could ask him, though, I felt a tap on my right shoulder. Not now. Not now I considered ignoring it, but the tapper struck me lightly again. I had no choice but to turn around.

It was him. The guy from the bus stop. I would have recognized the strange outfit—the long coat, the boots—not to mention his imposing height anywhere. Only this time, he was just a few feet away. Close enough for me to see his eyes. They were so dark as to appear black and were boring into me with a cool, somehow unnerving, intelligence.

I swallowed thickly, frozen in my seat. Had he been in class all along? And if so, how could I have failed to notice him? Maybe because he was sitting sort of apart from the rest of us. Or maybe it was because the very air in his particular corner seemed murky, the fluorescent light directly above his desk snuffed out. But it was more than that.

It was almost like he created the darkness. That's ridiculous, Jess. He's a person, not a black hole. Not the plastic Bics that most people used. A real gold pen. You could tell just by the way it glittered that it was expensive.

When I hesitated, a look of annoyance crossed his aristocratic face, and he shook the pen at me. This is a familiar tool, yes? But the last person who'd tangled with Faith Crosse had ended up transferring to Saint Monica's, the local Catholic school. Faith had made her life at Woodrow Wilson that miserable. The past colliding with the future. He smiled then, revealing the most perfect set of even, white teeth I'd ever seen.

They actually gleamed, like well-tended weaponry. Above him, the fluorescent light sizzled to life for a second, flickering like lightning. Okay, that was weird. I slid back around, and my hand shook a little as I wrote my name on the seating chart. It was stupid to be freaked out. He was just another student. Obviously a new guy. Maybe he lived somewhere near our farm. He'd probably been waiting for the bus, just like me, and missed getting on somehow.

His somewhat mysterious appearance in English class—a few feet from me—probably wasn't cause for alarm, either. I looked to Mindy for her opinion.

She'd obviously been waiting to make contact. Eyes wide, she jabbed her thumb in the guy's direction, mouthing a very exaggerated, "He's so hot! Yes, the guy was technically good-looking. But he was also totally terrifying with his cloak and boots and ability to materialize near me seemingly out of nowhere.

The fasten the better.. And will that stain come out of my jeans? His gaze followed my fingers, and I thought maybe he was revolted by the fact that I was bleeding. Yet I swore I saw something quite different than disgust in those black eyes. And then he ran his tongue slowly across his lower lip. What the hell was that? Tossing the pen at him, I spun around in my seat.

I could change schools, like that girl who messed with Faith. Go to Saint Monica's. That's the answer. It's not too late. The seating chart made its way back to Mrs. Wilhelm, and she read through the names, then glanced up with a smile that was directed just past my desk. Did I say that correctly? My early-morning stalker, that's who. My neck prickled again. Wilhelm looked slightly alarmed as a tall teenager in a black velvet coat advanced up the aisle toward her.

She raised a cautionary finger, like she was about to tell him to sit down, but he strode right past her. Grabbing up a marker from the tray beneath the whiteboard, he flipped off the cap with authority and scrawled the word Vladescu in a flowing script.

Emphasis on the middle syllable, please. One by one, he made eye contact with each student in the room, obviously summing us up. I sensed from the look on his face that we were found wanting somehow. But he was still staring at me. God, his eyes were black. I flinched away, looking to Mindy, who was actually fanning herself, totally oblivious to me.

It was like she was under a spell. Everyone was. No one was fidgeting, or whispering, or doodling. Almost against my will, I returned my attention to the teenager who'd hijacked English lit. It really was almost impossible not to watch him. Lucius Vladescu's longish glossy black hair was out of place in Lebanon County, Pennsylvania, but he would have fit right in with the European models in Mindy's Cosmopolitan magazines.

He was muscular and lean like a model, too, with high cheekbones, a straight nose, and a strong jaw. And those eyes. Why wouldn't he quit staring at me? Wilhelm finally suggested. Lucius Vladescu spun on his booted heel to face her and capped the pen with a firm snap. Wilhelm like a student, either. More like an equal. Wilhelm prompted, admitting, "It does sound interesting.

I slunk down in my seat. Is everyone noticing this? There was a hint of frustration in his voice, and I had no idea why. But it scared me again.

And he's royal. I could tell that Mindy had already made up her mind about Lucius Vladescu, basing her opinion entirely on broad shoulders and a strong jaw. We just met him. Staring at me. I thought I heard him say my name. Just as the bus pulled up. My best friend sucked in her breath. That could be a little weird. The story of my adoption was my closely guarded secret.

If it ever got out. I felt like a freak every time I thought about the story. My adoptive mother, a cultural anthropologist, had been studying an off-the-wall underground cult in central Romania. She'd been there with my dad to observe their rituals, in hopes of writing one of her groundbreaking insider journal articles about unique subcultures.

However, things had gone wrong over in Eastern Europe. The cult had been a little too strange, a little too offbeat, and some Romanian villagers had banded together, intent on putting an end to the whole group. By force. Just before the mob attacked, my birth parents had entrusted me, an infant, to the visiting American researchers, begging them to take me to the United States, where I would be safe.

I hated that story. Hated the fact that my birth parents had been ignorant, superstitious people duped into joining a cult. I didn't even want to know what the rituals were. I knew the kind of things my mom studied. Animal sacrifices, tree worship, virgins tossed into volcanoes. Maybe that's why they had been murdered.

Who knew? Who wanted to know? I didn't ask for details, and my adoptive parents never pressed the issue. I was just happy to be Jessica Packwood, American. Antanasia Dragomir didn't exist, as far as I was concerned. You probably just imagined the whole thing. Or else he said a word that sounds like Antanasia. How about 'nice to meetcha? We walked toward the street to wait for my mom to come pick me up.

I had called at lunch to tell her I was not taking the bus home. Mindy added her last two cents. It's so much better to be stalked by a tall European than an American of average height. Before I could even say hi, Mindy shoved me aside, leaned in, and blurted, "Jess has a boyfriend, Dr.

I climbed in and slammed the door, shutting my friend safely on the other side. Mindy waved, laughing, as Mom and I pulled away from the curb. You're probably misinterpreting innocent behaviors.

And then when my finger bled, he licked his lip. A car behind us honked angrily. What was that about?

She stepped on the gas again. Sitting on the low wall that surrounded the campus. And he was watching me. Sweat broke out on my forehead. But this time, I was pissed. Enough is enough, already. She pulled over to the curb, right next to where Lucius waited, watching. I figured Mom was going to confront him, so I grabbed her arm. He's, like, unbalanced or something.

Without another word, Mom climbed out of the van and strode directly toward the menacing guy who'd tailed me all day. Was she crazy? Would he try to run away?

Go berserk and hurt her? But no, he slipped gracefully off the wall and bowed—a real bow, at the waist—to my mother. What the. I rolled down the window, but they spoke so softly I couldn't hear what they were saying. The conversation went on for what seemed like eons. And then my mother shook his hand. Lucius Vladescu turned to go, and Mom got back in the van and turned the key. My mother looked me straight in the eye and said, "You, your father, and I need to talk.

A bad prickle. We have so, so much to tell you. And we need to do it before Lucius arrives for dinner. When we got home, my dad was in the middle of teaching his tantric yoga class for oversexed, over-the-hill hippies, out in the studio behind the house, so Mom told me to go ahead with my chores. And then Lucius arrived early for dinner. I was in the barn mucking out stalls when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow cross the open barn door.

When there was no answer, I got the bad feeling my visitor was our dinner guest. Mom invited him, I reminded myself as, sure enough, a tall European exchange student strode across the dusty riding ring. He can't be that dangerous. Mom's endorsement aside, I kept a firm hold on my pitchfork. He arrived within a few feet of me, and I was struck again by his height.

I spun around, trying to keep him in view, and caught him wrinkling his nose. I had no idea what he was talking about, but the head-to-toe survey of my person was not cool. Is that feces on your shoes? Why did he care what is on my shoes? Why does he think this is his business? Hired help. It's offensive. Lucius Vladescu wasn't just intimidating. He was infuriating. And why are you following me? Packwood vowed that she would tell you everything.

Your parents are not so good at keeping promises. And what manner of man practices such a pacifist pastime? Men should train for war, not waste their time chanting 'om' and blathering about inner peace.

What pact? Not going well at all.

I advised the Elders that you should have been summoned back to Romania years ago, that you would never be a suitable bride. And we are to be married, the moment you come of age. This has been decreed since our births.

Lucius Vladescu is completely nuts. And I'm alone with him, in an empty barn. So I did what any sane person would do. I jammed the pitchfork in the general direction of his foot and ran like hell for the house, ignoring his yowl of pain. But of course, no one paid attention. My parents were too focused on Lucius Vladescu's injured foot. Mom pointed firmly at the ring of chairs around the kitchen table.

Mom yanked off his boot, which bore the visible imprint of a pitchfork tine, while my dad puttered about the kitchen, searching under the sink for the first aid kit while he waited for the herbal tea to brew. But we can still have tea. You could have impaled me. And you do not want to impale a vampire.

More to the point, is that any way to greet your future husband—or any guest, for that matter? With a pitchfork? As I explained to you earlier, her father and I wanted to speak to her first. Someone had to take charge.

He picked up the container of chamomile, sniffed the contents, and frowned. He poured four mugs. Just tell me what's going on," I begged, sitting down to reclaim my chair from Lucius.

It wasn't warm at all. Almost like no one had been there just moments before. Fill me in. He lifted his steaming mug to his lips, sipped, and shuddered. Why is everyone talking in code? Your parents were among the vampires I was studying at the time.

I mean, folk culture and legends were my mom's research interest, and my dad had been known to host the occasional "angel communication" seminar in his yoga studio. But surely even my flaky parents didn't believe in Hollywood movie monsters. They couldn't have honestly believed that my birth parents had turned into bats, or dissolved in sunlight, or grew big fangs. Could they? Your father and I were afraid the truth about your birth parents might deeply disturb you.

So we kept things. Mom nodded. He'd retrieved his boot and was hopping around on one foot, attempting to pull it on. Those rituals my mom had alluded to, related to my birth parents.. My birth parents: deviant, disturbed blood drinkers. Lucius frowned.

I suppose not. I'm right here. She has an analytical bent that makes her resistant to the paranormal. I cried. At this low point, Dad returned with a mildewed scroll cradled in his hands. Big purges every few months. Lots of very nice vampires eliminated. You didn't see my parents act like vampires, did you?

I know you didn't. Because it didn't happen. You don't just invite people to watch. Vampires are a sensual race but not given to exhibitionism, for god's sake. We're discreet. It was quite normal to them. Had you grown up in Romania in that subculture, it would have seemed ordinary to you, too. The story is quite simple. You, Antanasia, are the last of a long line of powerful vampires. The Dragomirs. Vampire royalty. And that is the last part of the story, which your parents still seem reluctant to relate.

Jessica's Guide to Dating the Dark Side

I am a vampire prince. The heir to an equally powerful clan, the Vladescus. More powerful, I would say, but that's not the point. We were pledged to each other in an engagement ceremony shortly after our births.

At this ceremony? It was rather landmark insider work, if I do say so myself. The delusional Dracula wannabe resumed pacing. We are to be married soon after you come of age. Our bloodlines united, consolidating our clans' strength and ending years of rivalry and warfare. Five million vampires—your family, my family combined—all under our rule. For the first time, I saw curiosity, not disdain or mockery or raw power, in his dark eyes.

To be with me? I didn't say anything. Did Lucius Vladescu really think I would fall for him, just because he had a handsome face? A killer body? That I would care that he smelled like the sexiest, spiciest cologne I'd ever sniffed.

I had almost forgotten the musty paper, but now Dad sat down and carefully unrolled the scroll on the kitchen table. The brittle paper crackled as he smoothed it with gentle fingers. The words—Romanian, presumably—were unintelligible to me, but it looked like some sort of legal document, with lots of signatures at the bottom. I shifted my gaze, refusing to look any closer at a bunch of nonsense. Multilingual show-off.

I could feel his breath on my cheek. It was unnaturally cool, sweet. Against my better judgment, I kept inhaling that unusual cologne, too, drawing it deep into my lungs. Lucius was so close that my curly dark hair brushed his jaw, and he absently swept the stray locks away, the back of his fingers grazing my cheek. I jolted at the touch. The sensation hit me, right in the pit of my stomach. If Lucius felt the same shock I did, he didn't betray it as he focused intently on the document.

Am I getting dizzy from sniffing cologne? Imagining things? I shifted slightly in my chair, trying not to touch him again, as our arrogant visitor ran his finger beneath the first line of the scroll. And upon the marriage, our clans shall be united and at peace. And see: your adoptive father's signature. And your mother's. Shoving the scroll away, I crossed my arms and glared at my parents. We were merely there to witness a unique ritual, in the interest of my research.

This was weeks before the purge, weeks before we adopted you. We had no idea what the future held for any of us. You are a vampire princess. Your destiny is not entirely your own.

He honestly thinks I'm a vampire princess. The strange, almost pleasurable, sensation I'd felt when he'd brushed my cheek was forgotten as reality hit me again.

Lucius Vladescu was a lunatic. I'd be thirsty for blood," I said in a last ditch attempt to interject reason into a discussion that had devolved into the absurd.

And when I bite you for the first time, then you will be a vampire. I've brought you a book— a guide, so to speak—which will explain everything—" I stood up so fast my chair tipped over, smashing to the floor. I don't care what kind of 'betrothal ceremony' they had! It wasn't a suggestion. This is a democracy. Let's just all just take a deep breath. Like Ghandi said, "We must become the change we want to see. Besides, Lucius, Jessica is not ready to contemplate marriage.

She hasn't even kissed a boy yet, for goodness' sake. No suitors? How shocking. I would have thought your pitchfork skills would be attractive to certain bachelors here in farm country. Die right there. I wanted to run to the knife drawer, grab the biggest blade I could find, and plunge it into my heart.

To be exposed as never even being kissed The vampire thing was a ridiculous fantasy, but my total lack of experience. That is so embarrassing! Did you have to tell him that? I don't want Lucius thinking you're some sort of experienced young woman, ready for marriage. It is a new century. But I am afraid that I am compelled to pursue this courtship until Antanasia realizes her place at my side. As she will. And the Elders always get their way. Sleep," Lucius clarified.

I'd forgotten about school. Vampires don't like to raise suspicions, as you can imagine. We like to blend in. In a velvet topcoat in summer? In Lebanon County, Pennsylvania? The conservative, bologna-making heart of the state's farm country, where sturdy people of Germanic descent still think pierced ears are radical and possibly portals to hell?

Your foreign exchange student, to be exact," Lucius clarified. Mom raised a cautionary hand. Isn't there paperwork? A small detail worked out in Romania. No one with any good sense turns down a request from the Vladescu clan. It's just bad form. And the consequences of refusing us a favor. Lucius's shoulders slumped, but just slightly. Well, perhaps we did overstep our bounds there.

But you must admit, you are honor bound to welcome me. You knew this day—and I—would arrive. We need to consider Jessica's feelings I will not return to the socalled country inn downtown where I slept last night.

The room had a pig theme, for god's sake. Pig wallpaper, pig tchotchkes everywhere. And a Vladescu does not slumber with swine. Okay, Jessie? It's just temporary, I'm sure. My parents always took in strays. Nasty cats, nippy dogs And not just any vampire. My arrogant, overbearing vampire betrothed. The last person in hell—or from hell—I wanted to share a ride to school with, even, let alone be bound to for eternity.

I lay awake half the night thinking about my ruined life. My birth parents: cult members who swore they drank blood—and whom I'd try never, ever to think of again. There was nothing I could do about them now except put them out of my mind. Their story could—and would—remain hidden in the past. But the future As if everyone at school didn't already think my family was bizarre enough, with Dad's yoga and his unproductive, organic, anti-meat farm, and my mom being the breadwinner, studying make-believe mumbo jumbo.

The high school girl engaged to the ghoul. And what a ghoul. Lying in bed, I couldn't stop recalling the smell of Lucius's cologne, as he'd leaned close to me. The power he'd exuded striding around my English lit class.

The touch of his fingers against my cheek. His assertion that one day, he would sink his teeth into me. God, what a psycho. Tossing back the covers, I sat up and pushed aside the curtain, looking out the window toward the garage. A light still burned in the second-floor apartment. Lucius was awake out there. Doing what? Swallowing hard, I fell back on my pillow and pulled the covers up tightly around my throat—my tender, vulnerable, as yet unkissed throat—half wishing for and half dreading the morning.

Although here only a few weeks, how I mourn the rugged splendor of the Carpathians, the way the wolves howl in the night, chilling and beautiful.

His character grows, develops, shifts, rebels, reverts - goes through all the phases of adolescence in just a few months, all thanks to the American influence. In the beginning he's insufferable but alluring, charming but arrogant, pompous but clever. We learn how he thinks through his letters to his uncle, which reveal his incredibly dry, quirky sense of humour that had me laughing out loud more than once.

He undergoes so much change that it's a bit dizzying, though, and makes it harder to believe that Jessica could fall in love with him in a short period of time, especially knowing so little about him, as a person, because she refused to get to know him. Not quite sure what he saw in her, either. As for the prose, well, it's decent, moves at a fast pace, is mostly dialogue, and has some suspense.

Also pokes fun at environmentally-concerned people who grow their own organic food - though considering they're her parents, it's not surprising. Some of things the characters say weren't "correct", and there was that fault common to fantasy books of characters guiding their horses with their knees.

I've gone into that before so I won't bother with that again.

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For a first novel it's not bad - a fun, light read that quite often pokes fun at the whole deal - but not gripping or emotionally intense either. The title alludes to a flippant kind of novel - and Lucius is certainly flippant - but it's also surprisingly serious, which makes the title seem misleading. Not sure what else you could call the book though. View all 10 comments.

Apr 30, Tatiana rated it liked it Shelves: There are dozens of vampire books on the market right now but I am confident this is one of the better ones, the one that stands out. But I am going to say that this is an entertaining book, with colorful characters. I highly recommend this book and I will definitely check out what Beth Fantaskey writes next. View 2 comments. Mar 08, Adele rated it really liked it.

Before I start, I want to clarify one insy weensy matter - this book is nothing like Twilight! Thank goodness it's not like Meyer's work because I actually like and relate to the protagonist in this tale. Jessica's got moxie and buckets of it. She's smart, she's capable and she's unknowingly betrothed to Lucius due Before I start, I want to clarify one insy weensy matter - this book is nothing like Twilight! She's smart, she's capable and she's unknowingly betrothed to Lucius due to her being a vampire princess!

Lucius is an intense, righteous and darkly handsome Romanian more Mr Darcy than Edward who has come to America to convince Jessica that they should marry and reunite their warring vampiric families. I just loved every bit of repartee between these two.

Lucius would get all hoity-toity and Jessica would smack him back down to size. The development of their relationship moved naturally as did the pace of the story. Each possess distinct voices which make for hilarious interchanges. Fantaskey also uses letters as way to view Lucius' perspective on certain events, saag and "squatty boy" hehe. I really knew these characters well by the time I was a few chapters in and found myself very invested in the outcome. Hence, very little movement between pages 1 and , my body is atrophying but I really don't care.

Jessica's always known that she was adopted. She lives with her yoga practising, vegan eating adoptive parents in the country and refuses to believe her origins when presented them by Lucius. I loved the new take on vampirism, particular the guide book that Lucius presents to his betrothed.

This book was a great sense of humour as are the continual misunderstandings between our terrible twosome. I loved tracing their changing feelings throughout the course of the story. Jessica denying her past and repelling Lucius, slowly comes to see Lucius for his strengths while Lucius begins to see Jessica less as a duty and more as a person of worth. The necessity of the alternating perspectives make this intense, hilarious and moving as we are able to identify both individual's motivations.

I loved these characters, I hope we see more of them. More than anything I love that Lucius, at no point, was compared to cold marble. If I were to nitpick anything, it would be that the cover model should be more curvy with curly, dark hair emphasis on the curvy.

Beth Fantaskey she of the fabulous surname , I loved your debut effort. What's next? Zombies, unicorns, football players? View all 3 comments.

Apr 07, The Library Lady rated it really liked it Shelves: Let's get it straight, I am not,not, NOT into vampire books. I think that "Twilight" is the greatest piece of crappy fan fiction style writing to get published since "Eragon". But this one is worth reading. Unlike that simp Bella Swan, Jessica doesn't think being a vampire would be cool. When a Heathcliff like Wutherine Heights figures into the plot vampire arrives at her school, and tells her that she is a vampire princess, pledged to marry him at birth, she doesn't swoon.

Heck, she doesn't even believe that he IS a vampire. Besides, all she wants is to be a normal American teenager and date the boy next door. The story of how Lucius slowly wins her over and he does, if that's a spoiler develops beautifully.

Jessica's narrative is interspersed with Lucius's hilarious letters to his Uncle back in the old country, and his take on 21st century American culture should make anyone laugh out loud. Though it appears frothy at first, the drama of the plot deepens and intensifies as it draws towards the climax.

And Fantaskey doesn't take herself or her characters so seriously as to not allow humor to pop into even the darkest scenes. She has maturity as a writer that the Meyers and Paolinis can only dream of. The characters are well developed. Jessica and Lucius's voices ring clear and true. Subcharacters are well drawn--Jessica's adoptive parents initially come off as a pair of crunchy granola hippie types played for laughs, but they are allowed to fully develop, something that doesn't always happen with parents in YA books!

I am not sure if Fantaskey has left room for a sequel, but if she does I'll be reading it and regardless I'll be looking forward to her next book. Jul 27, Peri June rated it really liked it Shelves: Jessica is your typical year-old--that is until her adoptive parents inform her she's a Romanian vampire princess who must fulfill a pact her birth parents had signed before their death by marrying Lucius, a vampire prince from an enemy clan. I thought the whole trying-to-get-Jessica-to-believe-that-vampires-really-do-exist-and-Lucius-is-not-an-escapee-from-an-insane-asylum-thing was freaking hilarious!!

Watching Jessica slowly-and somewhat incredulously-accept her vampiric nature and Lucius's Jessica is your typical year-old--that is until her adoptive parents inform her she's a Romanian vampire princess who must fulfill a pact her birth parents had signed before their death by marrying Lucius, a vampire prince from an enemy clan.

Watching Jessica slowly-and somewhat incredulously-accept her vampiric nature and Lucius's love for her was exciting; it made me realize how much I missed vampire novels and the arrogant nature of vampires. If you're a vampire fan, don't miss this one. Sep 27, Cindy rated it it was amazing Shelves: I have noticed this book floating around out there amongst book lovers, but for some reason or another it never just reached out and grabbed me, moved me, or spoke to me. Maybe it's the title, not really what it says, but visually a little long okay so that sounds crazy, but I am very visual.

Beth Fantaskey - Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

It has become one of my favorite vampire books next to Stephenie Myers "Twilight" series. I loved the dialogue, a I have noticed this book floating around out there amongst book lovers, but for some reason or another it never just reached out and grabbed me, moved me, or spoke to me. I loved the dialogue, and emotions that I felt while reading this wonderful story.

My heart reacted to the sad and happy times that Jessica and Lucius experienced, and oh how it ached sometimes. To me this was a different take on the vampire story Jessica early on finds out Lucius is a prince vampire and she is a destined to be a princess vampire, how they deal and feel about that knowledge is what makes this story.

Jessica's guide to dating on the dark side

I loved Lucius, I love that whole old world chivalry, cloths and good manners, which is totally Lucius in a vampire kind of way. A quote or two that I loved provided by Lucius, "Jessica, he said. Allow me to do at least one common courtesy for you. In spite of what women's lib teaches you, chivalry does not imply that women are powerless.

On the contrary, chivalry is an admission of women's superiority. An acknowledgment of your power over us. I love this quote to by Lucius, "American women. Why do you all want to be nearly invisible? Why not have a physical presence in the world?

Women should have curves, not angles.

Marcia Romero, 25 years old

Not points. Jessica, is great in this story as well, she is a typical teenager trying to figure out her world, which continues to change and becomes more and more complicated. I liked how Jessica responds to her situations, they seem real and not forced or typical for her age.

She is smart, carrying, confused, loving and kind. Never thought I would say this, but wow Lucius makes fangs look sexy lol. Great story I completely enjoyed it and couldn't put it down, flows effortlessly. Mild language issues clean romance some sex talk, there are some sexually charged moments, for older teens no details Nov 25, Kajol rated it it was amazing Shelves: Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side The title had long since convinced me that this was yet another YA paranormal that was hell bent on holding up a public mockery in the name of the genre "Fantasy".

I mean a dating guide to the dark side? Bite me. Thankful to Ms. Fantaskey, I'd like to express my elation by saying that I was quite glaringly, obviously wrong. I loved the book. In fact, I loved it so much that I stayed up till 3 am on a school night yeah, so I'm a senior in high school. Bi Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side The title had long since convinced me that this was yet another YA paranormal that was hell bent on holding up a public mockery in the name of the genre "Fantasy".

Big deal. Make fun of the school night thing, and I'll send you my personal guard of paranormal hotties who're quite apt at killing people off-- Dimitri, Barrons, Jace, Damon, and now a new addition Lucius.

As soon as I started reading this book, I just couldn't put it down. Never ever, in the short lifetime of my lustful dreams of sexy vampires had I ever imagined to find so much, so awesome, all in one place. One of the most entertaining YA reads is what we've got here and I feel like yelling "Bring it on, bitches! For a lit-freak like me, it is like a rare dream come true when sexy-european-exchange-student aka vamps start spouting romantic lines from Wuthering Heights even if they are doing it with some cheerleader side-kick playing Catherine.

You just know she's not gonna last and its enough to get you to sigh dreamily and off into the wilds of your not-so-innocent imaginations.

At first when his character opened up, I didn't, for one moment, believe that I'd actually fall for this fictional owner of a royal pair of fangs- 'cause of course he was quite a jerk. But somewhere along the way, I did. You know, you really don't want me describing him, cause when you actually pick this book up, you're gonna want to know all about him without any outside hints.

Anyway, our heroine Jessica Packwood aka Antanasia Dragomir was pretty likable. I didn't have any qualms with her except that she sometimes showed doormat tendencies which maddened me a little and also the fact that her character was that of a close-minded person who sometimes refused to listen to what others had to say.

But only sometimes Heh.. I said "sometimes" a little too many times, didn't I? Spunky, beautiful, smart.. I even liked Jessica's foster parents who no doubt were pretty weird at times, but hey, no one's perfect! I can go on and on about this book, so stamping that urge, I'm just gonna say that I really really adored this book and I regret having purposely delayed picking it up I'd believed this was some farce in the name of Paranormal Romance.

Oh, my naivete. Great story line, awesome characters.. You JUST know you won't be able to resist it! May 29, Annalisa rated it really liked it Recommended to Annalisa by: A book that balks at the current trend in paranormal romance and for that it shines. It's not just a flat parody but a complex story in its own right by gasp a good writer with a name like Fantaskey, how can you grow up to be anything but a fantasy writer?

A lot of the satire toward the YA trend is subtle, but it's there and it made me smile as much as Lucius' mocking commentary of American lifestyle. Finally a female protagonist that cringes at the dark, mysterious stranger who creeps her A book that balks at the current trend in paranormal romance and for that it shines. Finally a female protagonist that cringes at the dark, mysterious stranger who creeps her out when he's being chivalrous with demanding force.

Because really, what normal teenager with a brain and this one actually has one is going to run into the arms of a monster who means her harm? And really what hormonal teenage vampire isn't going to mean a little harm? Vampires are supposed to be creepy. The clash of the vegan farmhouse and blood-thirsty royal Romanian was entertaining and Jessica's turn from the nice farm boy to the dark bad boy was not insensate lust but a proper transformation with dark, sexy vampire twists that won me to Lucius' side.

He is the star of this story. The ending actually left me smiling and surprisingly wanting more although I refuse to read any more series, even a continuation of this one, maybe. If you're as sick of YA paranormal as I have been, you may actually enjoy this one for that very reason. Feb 23, Jac rated it did not like it. For those of you not patient enough to read yet another review about a book you may want to read, let me save you some time and sum up my main grievances with this book in one sentence: Oh my god, what the hell was this publisher thinking when he agreed to put his name on this book!

I wanted so badly to like this book since I have a thing for Romanian vampires but I just couldn't no matter how hard I tried. Sometimes, I just wanted to reach through the pages and shake her—possibly even strangle her at some points. In the beginning, she goes off on how much she cannot stand Lucius. Onto Lucius. Oh, such a waste. Hot, tall, arrogant, Eastern-European royalty? Definitely sounds like the ideal book-boy, right? Not only was he seriously disturbed mentally, he was also extremely sexist.

I am not saying a man shouldn't be allowed to defend his lady's honor but almost killing someone for the sake of it?

To me, that is unacceptable. He was no more than a pest, no reason to nearly kill the bug! But now, I digress you have my permission to kill me now that I have said it. He was so wishy-washy it was annoying. I want to marry you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you again. I am vulnerable. Fooled you, I still hate you! Never mind, I love you but I can't show you. Now I am masking my love with my falsified hatred and threats of violence. God, I haven't been so exhausted by such a short book in a very long time.

I would continue to complain about: Missy, Jake, Vasile, Faith, that ridiculous guide to becoming a vampire, and even just the plot in general but alas even venting about the book is starting to exhaust me. Once again, it was such a disappointment. I actually had semi-high hopes for that book. God, what was I thinking!?! Original Review on my Blog: Penny for Your Pages For the last month all I've read is New Adult and Erotica.

So I knew by reading a YA novel that I wouldn't be completely satisfied with the romantic aspect of the story. The odds were against it from the beginning. I have no qualms with the plot of Jessica 1.

Sorry, the title is so long that Jessica 1 seems like a good substitute. Everything was in place: It had everything worthy of a Twilight successor. Lucius and Jessica have been promised to each other since birth to keep the vampire peace in Romania. But Jessica was sent off as a baby and grew up in America not knowing any of her family's History, nor does she know she is a vampire. Lucius, however, has known of the promise since childhood. Which is just fabulous ha-ha! It makes for an interesting plot and witty remarks on his part.

The only issue I had with this book, sadly, was the last 50 pages. Sorry Fantaskey The ending, though expected in the YA fandom, made me cringe. All this flirting and "brushed kissing" had me begging for something more.

I already mentioned I've been reading nothing but New Adult and Erotica for the last month, right? Now you see my conflict. I really believe Lucius Vladescu was meant to lead an erotica series, not YA. He's just got that appeal.

That authority. When reading the romantic scenes, I just kept imagining what he would do if it wasn't a PG book. Pull her neck back, sink his teeth in Creative Romanian curse words during foreplay? Horseback riding in a meadow, followed by tea at the castle Don't be offended I think what drove the "unplayed scenes" in my mind was Orlando Bloom. I pictured him as Lucius early on Though Lucius was an amazing character, the ending left me unsatisfied.

Which has nothing to do with the author's ability to produce a decent ending. She did right by her PG audience. T'was me with the brain malfunction. This is YA He's not gonna throw her on the snow covered grass and have his way In the YA world it deserves 5 stars Mar 17, Steph Su rated it it was amazing Shelves: In rural Pennsylvania, math nerd Jessica Packwood is about to enter her senior year of high school, determined to have a good time, potentially date Jake Zinn, a nice and handsome boy in her grade, and win some more math competitions.

But her carefully imagined plan goes down the drain with the arrival of Lucius Vladescu, a hot but arrogant student from Romania who is under the unfortunate delusion that he is a vampire prince destined to marry Jessica, who is apparently a vampire princess from a rival vampire family. Their marriage would end a centuries-long war between the two families and ensure peace for all their vampire relatives.

But just as she begins to finally believe—in Lucius, in herself—Lucius suddenly begins to court Faith Crosse, the evil-souled reigning cheerleader-slash-prom-queen of Woodrow Wilson High, and Jessica finds herself struggling to win him back, and not just for the sake of her own heart. It is almost unfortunate that this book has such an unwieldy and frothy, though eye-catching, title, because I did not realize the extent of what I was in for when I started reading.

Jessica and Lucius are two of the best main characters that I have read about in a long time: The relationship that develops between Jessica and Lucius seems totally natural, the growing love not forced. The plot goes beyond a typical Twilight spinoff which all current YA vampire novels are inevitably being compared to , and reaches its awe-inspiring conclusion wonderfully.

I am wholeheartedly a fan, and you will be too. However different from the BTB, I didn't hate this book and would probably have enjoyed it when I was a new reader.

Jessica lives just a normal teenage life. She is an only child, has only one friend, she get's bullied by the popular kids in school and she has two weird parents whom she loves. But Jessica has also a secret. A secret no one other then her parents and best friend knows. Even Jessica herself doesn't know the whole truth of it. But all that changes when her secret comes to haunt her. One day a mysterious boy shows up at her school and later at her house and claims that he is her betrothed and they are to be married.

Not only that but he also claims he is a Vampire. Jessica refuses to be married agains her will, to someone she doesn't even know and more of all she doesn't even belive in Vampires no matter what the stranger or her parents say. So Lucius Vladescu enters her life and is determent to stay until she changes her mind. Meanwhile no matter how hard Jessica tries not to, she finds herself falling for Lucius. This book contains all your classic Vampire Romance tropes. So is this book worth reading?

No, not really unless you already own it then go right ahead. It won't take too much out of your time and even tho you won't really love it, you won't hate it either. I think that of all the books I've read this year, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side , is the one that has surprised me the most. When I first saw the title and read the blurb, I scoffed at this book and did not even give it the time of day.

The only reason I did read it was because it was free on Barnes and Nobles so I figured "why not? This is only doubled when he arrives at her school and she is repelled by his dark, cocking and pompous behavior.

However, when he is invited into her home and reveals to Jessica that she is a royal member of a vampire family and he is to be her betrothed, she stabs him with a pitchfork and runs away from him.

I love Jessica. She starts off a whiny little doormat, but goes through character development [sweet beautiful character development] and becomes a more secure [semi-] independent person.

I also enjoyed Lucius and his jack-assery. He is very much a jackass, but he is also very witty, uptight and everything you'd expect a privileged royal vampire to be. The two leads have a lot of chemistry together and I enjoyed their interactions together and how they both sort of made each other "grow" in certain ways.

The downside is that this book has to do the popular thing: Yet as irritating as those things are, they don't ruin the story and the good things about it also most of that happens at the end so you are not dealing with it for long ;. All-in-all, this was an entertaining book and while it's still free I highly recommend you pick it up.

Ero partita senza troppe pretese con questo romanzo, leggendo commenti che lo definivano carino. Ammetto che le prime pagine non mi avevano preso, mi sembrava un romanzo troppo per ragazzine. Ho cominciato a trovare nella figura di Lucius, il principe vampiro, un non so che di tragico e affascinante che mi ha conquistata,come ha conquistato il cuore di Antanasia, una figura femminile simpatica, normale, con un mondo nuovo da scoprire.

Una ragazza for Ero partita senza troppe pretese con questo romanzo, leggendo commenti che lo definivano carino. Una ragazza forte che sa prendere in mano il suo destino quando capisce davvero cosa vuole. E vuole Lucius, vuole la favola dark. E fa sognare, proprio come una favola. Lo consiglio! Sep 21, Janina rated it it was ok Shelves: Sorry, that's the most coherent thing I can come up with right now. I actually don't know why I made myself finsish that one I'm normally rather quick to give up on a book , but it had these two highs in exactly the right places at the beginning and around page , and that lured me into thinking it was worth finishing it Just not for me, I didn't really like the main character, Jessica, and Lucius teetered between amusing and annoying.

Addionally, the story was kind of inconsisten Meh.

Addionally, the story was kind of inconsistent, as if it didn't know what it wanted to be. Some parts were hilarious and almost satirical, but then it would get all serious and dramatic. View all 22 comments. Jun 18, Giselle rated it liked it Shelves: This was a real treat.

Funny and humorous in the beginning then it went all dark and twisty by the end.

I love that its primary focus is on Jessica finally owning up to her strong beautiful fierce self and realizing it. I also like the whole vampire war plot going on and can't wait to find out what happens in the sequel.

View all 4 comments. May 25, Rachel Reads Ravenously added it Shelves: I gave it about pages before quitting. That seems fair enough. But I gave it a chance! Jul 24, Colette rated it it was ok Shelves: I've never actually hated a book I WOULD give it three, due to it having such promise in the writing-style, but the content itself made it a two. First of all, before you are deceived, this title does not match the theme of this book.

It began as a light-hearted read, comical even, but then it just became a dark, angst volturi-twilight moody thing. I literally watched the tone change right before my eyes, like a gray scale being turned down to its dark I've never actually hated a book I literally watched the tone change right before my eyes, like a gray scale being turned down to its darkest. This would usually please me, a change of tone as the adventure begins, if done right.

But here it was just in bad taste, false advertisement. I might have been better prepared if I had known it would get as dark as it was. This book made me angry. Not just because of the events, but the fact that it could have been GREAT, but the author wasted her talent and pretty much threw the book down the toilet, kind of like she lost commitment.

I'm not sure if that is true, but judging by the content, it is how I felt. Now I will explain why it has its ups and down. Conflicting Women Empowerment Message Jessica begins as a struggling woman, growing through the first half of the book to embrace her beautiful, naturally curvy body. But then She spends the rest of the book chasing after a boy that does not even want her or is a Broadway-actor at pretending not to want her.

A boy that slights her again and again and again until the very last pages of the book when I say very I mean the VERY last pages. So the message becomes mixed, hypocritical really, because first our character is like "oh, I am beautiful and independent. I don't need any man. Yep, awesome Bad Use of Humour The letters to the Uncle. If anything, it would only encourage him to be pissed, right? Inconsistent and bad Focus First we are dealing with Jessica and Lucius pursuing Jess to get this logical, smart girl to believe in the supernatural and embrace her true nature as the beautiful vampire princess.

Instead, the focus shifts onto Lucius, angst-ridden teenage boy that neglects Jessica forget her, she doesn't want me though we can save the vampire world together From there, he slights Jessica, treats Jessica like complete garbage, and yet- all of this behavior is excused because he's "going through a rough time and had a tough life.

So if a man has an abusive past, this means that he should be allowed to treat a woman in a way that leaves her broken, confused, lonely and neglected? Great message. Fantaskey is such a great writer- she dumped her potential down the drain! The book was interesting, the events flowed well, it seemed to be controlled and progress well-- then it took a turn. It was as if the author cut off her plans for the story and just decided to take it on a whole new road. The first half of the book could have been an entire different book just from how lighter it tended to be in tone.

In this book, the tone was superfluous at the beginning. The parents just say oh, Lucius is a vampire, honey. No lead-ins, it's just landed on us and we don't even get the time to wonder, to infer, such as in Twilight Of course, Jessica didn't believe at first, but no one even tried to prove it to her.

They just stated it like it was natural. Speaking of natural, the book seems to have some message about horses, being "Green" and eating vegan.

Not cool.My early-morning stalker, that's who. Booktopia has ratings. My heart reacted to the sad and happy times that Jessica and Lucius experienced, and oh how it ached sometimes. Meanwhile no matter how hard Jessica tries not to, she finds herself falling for Lucius. But don't be ashamed! Hilarious but hot damn..

I live in Romania, not a sealed box. I vaguely recalled him mentioning it—right after he'd announced his plans to bite me. Jessica doesn't even think of the people that raised her for 18 years. So is this book worth reading?