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Many of these rules for example: In parallel with those Parent recordings, the Child is a simultaneous recording of internal events—how life felt as a child. Harris equates these with the vivid recordings that Wilder Penfield was able to cause his patients to re-live by stimulating their brains.
Harris proposes that, as adults, when we feel discouraged, it is as if we are re-living those Child memories yet the stimulus for re-living them may no longer be relevant or helpful in our lives. According to Harris, humans start developing a third mental state, the Adult , about the time children start to walk and begin to achieve some measure of control over their environment.
Instead of learning ideas directly from parents into the Parent, or experiencing simple emotion as the Child, children begin to be able to explore and examine the world and form their own opinions. They test the assertions of the Parent and Child and either update them or learn to suppress them.
Thus the Adult inside us all develops over time, but it is very fragile and can be readily overwhelmed by stressful situations. Its strength is also tested through conflict between the simplistic ideas of the Parent and reality. Sometimes, Harris asserts, it is safer for a person to believe a lie than to acknowledge the evidence in front of them. This is called Contamination of the Adult.
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The four positions are:. As children we see that adults are large, strong and competent and that we are little, weak and often make mistakes, so we conclude I'm Not OK, You're OK.
The emphasis of the book is helping people understand how their life position affects their communications transactions and relationships with practical examples. I'm OK, You're OK continues by providing practical advice to begin decoding the physical and verbal clues required to analyze transactions.
For example, Harris suggests signs that a person is in a Parent ego state can include the use of evaluative words that imply judgment based on an automatic, axiomatic and archaic value system: Harris introduces a diagrammatic representation of two classes of communication between individuals: Harris suggests that crossed transactions are problematic because they "hook" the Child ego state of one of the participants, resulting in negative feelings.
Harris suggests that awareness of this possibility, through TA, can give people a choice about how they react when confronted with an interpersonal situation which makes them feel uncomfortable. Harris provides practical suggestions regarding how to stay in the Adult ego state, despite the provocation. Having described a generalized model of the ego states inside human beings, and the transactions between them, Harris then describes how individuals differ.
He argues that insights can be gained by examining the degree to which an individual's Adult ego state is contaminated by the other ego states. He summarizes contamination of the Adult by the Parent as "prejudice" and contamination of the Adult by the Child as "delusion". A healthy individual is able to separate these states. Yet, Harris argues, a functioning person does need all three ego states to be present in their psyche in order for them to be complete.
Someone who excludes i. Harris also identifies from his medical practice examples of individuals with blocked out Adult ego states, who were psychotic, terrified and varied between the Parent ego state's archaic admonitions about the world and the raw emotional state of the Child, making them non-treatable by therapy.
For such cases, Harris endorses drug treatments, or electro-convulsive therapy , as a way to temporarily disrupt the disturbing ego states, allowing the "recommissioning" of the Adult ego state by therapy. Harris reports a similar approach to treating Manic Depression. The second half of the book begins by briefly describing the six ways that TA practitioners recognize individuals use to structure time , to make life seem meaningful.
Harris continues by offering practical case studies showing applications of TA to Marriage and the raising of both Children and Adolescents. He promotes the idea that TA is not just a method for specialists, but can be shared and used by many people. Having described such a structured method of dealing with the challenges of human psychology, the final two chapters of the book discuss the question of improving morality and society.
In particular, he asks, if we are not to succumb to domination by the Parent ego state, how can individuals enlightened through TA know how they should live their lives?
Starting from his axiomatic statement I'm OK, You're OK , he acknowledges that accepting it at face value raises the same philosophical dilemmas as the problem of evil does for believers in a just, omnipotent God.
Harris continues to explore aspects of Christianity with reference to TA, together with more generalized questions about the nature of religion. The final chapter of I'm OK, You're OK refers to social issues contemporary at the time of writing, including the Cold War , Vietnam war and the contemporary controversial research of individuals' response to authority conducted by psychologist Stanley Milgram.
Harris applies TA to these issues and concludes his book with the hope that nations will soon gain the maturity to engage in Adult to Adult dialogue, rather than conducting diplomacy in the collective archaic ego states of Parent or Child, which he sees as causing war and disharmony.
It is still in print, published by Harpercollins. Several decades have now elapsed since Harris published I'm OK, You're OK , so inevitably some of the cultural references which might have seemed new and relevant when the book was first published may now seem dated and less accessible to contemporary readers who do not remember the s. The work of Wilder Penfield concerning human memory, which appeared to Harris to give TA special credibility because it inferred a direct association with neuroscience, has not proved readily repeatable.
Harris's assertion that a child does not mature with the life position I'm OK - You're OK without therapy has been criticised as positioning TA as a quasi-religious soteriology. The name of the book has since become used commonly, often as a dismissive categorization of all popular psychology philosophies as being overly accepting.
Examples of the influence elsewhere are:.
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The chapter on marriage is particularly insightful. The previous instalments of this course have focused on fiction, though much of the advice is also relevant to poetry. While Freud uses smoke and mirror terms like "id", "ego" and "super ego", Harris uses simple terms like "child", "adult" and "parent", meaning roughly the same thing but being more accessible. Though the patients were conscious that they were on an operating table, the stimulation also caused them to recall specific past events in vivid detail—not just facts of the event, but as a vivid "reliving" of "what the patient saw and heard and felt and understood" when the memory was created.
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